Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Urban Dictionary - December 16: immaculate congestion
December 16: immaculate congestion
When traffic is backed up for miles on a highway, crawling along -- and then suddenly everyone returns to normal high speeds without passing an accident, stalled car, or road construction.
We spent 45 minutes bumper-to-bumper for no reason?!? It must be immaculate congestion.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Guitar Hero Christmas
I showed this to Derek and he said, "That is my favorite Guitar Hero Song. It is from Guitar Hero Legend's of Rock and it's an easy song. See it only has three bars."
PS Greenday fans - Next year, the band is getting its own video game, Green Day: Rock Band ! (If Derek had a car, a driver's license and money... he'd be first in line for this)
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Urban Dictionary - Word of the day Face Base
Face Base
The point in a romantic relationship when pictures of the couple begin to appear on Facebook, and or when the relationship status changes to "In a relationship".
"It looks like Kat has made it to Face base with that new guy."
"Yeah his picture is all over her profile now."
"Yeah his picture is all over her profile now."
Sleeping in...
Sleeping in...
I. Infant - they don't sleep end of story
Toddler - up at first light, too much to do, too many things to destroy
5 yrs - 10 yrs
Weekdays - school - ugh can't pry them out of bed with a crowbar
Weekends - CARTOONS - back up at the ass crack of dawn
11 yrs - 14 yrs
Unknown element
14 yrs - 22 yrs
Who wants to wake up.... ever?
22yrs - childrearing yrs
Weekdays - WORK (one word SNOOZE)
Weekends - There is nothing worth doing that can't wait until after noon
Childrearing yrs
Entirely dependent upon children's ages.
I. Infant - they don't sleep end of story
Toddler - up at first light, too much to do, too many things to destroy
5 yrs - 10 yrs
Weekdays - school - ugh can't pry them out of bed with a crowbar
Weekends - CARTOONS - back up at the ass crack of dawn
11 yrs - 14 yrs
Unknown element
14 yrs - 22 yrs
Who wants to wake up.... ever?
22yrs - childrearing yrs
Weekdays - WORK (one word SNOOZE)
Weekends - There is nothing worth doing that can't wait until after noon
Childrearing yrs
Entirely dependent upon children's ages.
5 Free MP3 Full Albums You Can Download Legally Now - (thanks /www.makeuseof.com)
I can always count on one of my favorite blogs, MakeUseOf for great free or cheap sites etc. They recently shared a list of free albums. Here is the list:
Nine Inch Nails/The Slip - http://theslip.nin.com/
Coldplay/Left Right Left Right Left - http://www.coldplay.com/lrlrl/lr.html
iLL-Literacy/iB4the1.1 - http://m.ill-literacy.com/listen/
The Crimea/Secrets of the Witching Hour - http://www.thecrimea.net/
Across Tundras/Hersds of the the Fathomless Valleys - http://www.mediafire.com/?mn3xn2ziddz
Dear Marketers - Stop implying Santa may bring my kid a flat screen TV!
'Tis the season....
My youngest son, Andrew age 6 asked me if I thought Santa was bringing a flat screen TV. Ummm, NO! I asked him why he even asked, he said there was a commercial about it on TV. What a bunch of BS!
My youngest son, Andrew age 6 asked me if I thought Santa was bringing a flat screen TV. Ummm, NO! I asked him why he even asked, he said there was a commercial about it on TV. What a bunch of BS!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom
On the riverbank
In Africa
In India
In the Ocean
In the Artic
In Africa
Somewhere near Wal-Mart
In Africa
In India
In the Ocean
In Africa
In the Artic
In Africa
Somewhere near Wal-Mart
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Malapropsim of the Moment, Mind bottling
Mind-bottling
When things get so crazy that your thoughts get all trapped, like in a bottle.
Watch Blades of Glory... Will Farrell, "Wow, mind bottling isn't it?"
Mind-boggling (mahynd-bog-ling)
adjective Slang
- intellectually overwhelming: a mind-boggling puzzle.
- emotionally or psychologically overwhelming; mind-blowing.
Synonyms: amazing, astonishing, breathtaking, eye-opening, mind-blowing, spectacular, staggering, startling, stunning, stupendous, surprising, wonderful
Friday, December 4, 2009
I stand corrected - Titanium vs. Lava
My kids talk about hot lava all of the time. They plan games where they are avoiding imaginary hot lava, they threaten to burn each other with hot lava and ask me way too many questions about hot lava. I am sick of hearing about hot lava, even my friends are sick of hearing about hot lava. The most recent debate is a scientific question. I'd like to use my blog to publish my "findings" on this subject.
Andrew believes Titanium is the strongest thing in the universe, second only to God. As such he is convinced titanium is impervious to hot lava. I was certain that hot lava would win this match-up, I stand corrected. Hot Lava would NOT melt Titanium. I should have known better than to argue a scientific point with Andrew.
Titanium vs. Lava – Titanium wins!
How hot is lava?
Lava is extremely hot. Lava can reach temperatures of about 1,250° Celsius. The lava of the Hawaiian volcanoes reach these temperatures. Normal lava temperatures reach 750° Celsius. That is still much hotter than your oven is capable of reaching.
Titanium has a high melting point of 3135°F (1725°C). This melting point is approximately 400°F (220°C) above the melting point of steel and approximately 2000°F (1100°C) above that of aluminum.
Andrew believes Titanium is the strongest thing in the universe, second only to God. As such he is convinced titanium is impervious to hot lava. I was certain that hot lava would win this match-up, I stand corrected. Hot Lava would NOT melt Titanium. I should have known better than to argue a scientific point with Andrew.
Titanium vs. Lava – Titanium wins!
How hot is lava?Lava is extremely hot. Lava can reach temperatures of about 1,250° Celsius. The lava of the Hawaiian volcanoes reach these temperatures. Normal lava temperatures reach 750° Celsius. That is still much hotter than your oven is capable of reaching.
Titanium has a high melting point of 3135°F (1725°C). This melting point is approximately 400°F (220°C) above the melting point of steel and approximately 2000°F (1100°C) above that of aluminum.
How did I not know about the awkward turtle?
I like to think of myself as "in the loop". From time to time I'm reminded I'm not. I had missed out on one of the most important movements in social psychology, the "Awkward Turtle". I did a little research from the most trusted sources, Urban Dictionary, Wikipedia AND YouTube. This gesture is omnipotent. Here are a few snippets:
Some may deem the awkward turtle immature or for the high school crowd. I say NO, this little phenomenon should find its place in everyday vernacular.
Awkward Animals
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Awkward Animals are animal
gestures made to mark an awkward moment or silence. Depending on the situation, it is used to make the situation more awkward or clears the air. There are several awkward animals that exist like the awkward turtle, awkward cow, awkward turkey, and more. This whole awkward animal phase started out with the awkward turtle, hence it is the most common awkward animal used. As people got bored, they made up their own awkward animals until we have a list of outrageous random animals and things. For example, awkward llama, oyster, dragon, table, etc.
Awkward Turtle
The Awkward Turtle is done by placing one of your hands over the other with both palms facing down, sticking your thumbs outward, and rotating both of your thumbs forward in a circular motion. The speed of the rotation reflects on the degree of awkwardness. This gesture is performed after something awkward has just happened or when there is an awkward silence. When someone makes the awkward turtle gesture, the goal of all others involved in the awkward moment is to be the first to make their own turtle gesture and hump the original turtle before any other players can. Within the last two years or so, the awkward turtle has become very popular among high school and college students. Facebook now has more than 500 groups of "awkward turtle" devotees, the largest with more than 27,000 members. But how it started is anyone's guess. Rumors suggest that it originated in the sign language term for "turtle" or "sea turtle." Not true, says Donna E. Gustina, an American Sign Language expert at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf in Rochester, N.Y.. "The hand signal that you see used for the expression 'awkward turtle' is the same as the sign in ASL for platypus." Deaf students at the institute had not heard of the "awkward turtle."
Other Awkward Animals
Various other awkward animals such as the Sexual Tension Squid, the Awkward Humping Starfish, the Sexual Tension Starfish, the Rejection Squid Hi-five and the Monster also exist. There are various other hand gestures used to signify each. There is no specific usage for each, but they most commonly occur in any awkward moment or situation.Urban Dictionary shows awkward turtle entries as early as September 2005.
1. awkward turtle
May 29, 2007 Urban Word of the Day
buy awkward turtle mugs, tshirts and magnets
The animal mascot of the awkward moment.
When you're in an awkward moment, place your hands on top of each other, and spin your thumbs forward. Thus creating the creature know as awkward turtle.
Oh my god, so I was talking to Becky about STDs and I forgot she had syphillis... it was mad awkward turtle
by Final Attempt Sep 6, 2005
Some may deem the awkward turtle immature or for the high school crowd. I say NO, this little phenomenon should find its place in everyday vernacular.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Favorite Website of the Day - http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
Who hasn't been guilty of a little passive aggressive behavior? If you did so in a note, be afraid be very afraid!
My favorite blog MakeUseof.com has surfaced another great site, PassiveAggressivenotes.com. "This site portrays pictures of interesting notes submitted by the readers. Most of the notes are hilarious, while some are quite interesting. The humor comes from the sarcasm in the notes where people are politely asked to apply common sense."
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
Here is a glimpse of the great stuff you'll find on this site:
November 5th, 2009 · 157 comments
Writes Ben in Snohomish, Washington: "We visit my aunt the same amount we visit the rest of our extended family, but for some reason she takes it personally that we don't do so daily. She took the occasion of my son's 11th birthday to take a shot at us."
My favorite blog MakeUseof.com has surfaced another great site, PassiveAggressivenotes.com. "This site portrays pictures of interesting notes submitted by the readers. Most of the notes are hilarious, while some are quite interesting. The humor comes from the sarcasm in the notes where people are politely asked to apply common sense."
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
Here is a glimpse of the great stuff you'll find on this site:
waiting for the rapture (and/or a thank you note)
November 5th, 2009 · 157 comments
Writes Ben in Snohomish, Washington: "We visit my aunt the same amount we visit the rest of our extended family, but for some reason she takes it personally that we don't do so daily. She took the occasion of my son's 11th birthday to take a shot at us."Tuesday, December 1, 2009
An Open Letter to Beyonce
Dear Beyonce,
Why don't you wear pants? I understand you are proud of your legs, I get it. That being said, have you considered a dress, a skirt, a pair of short or even short shorts? There is something disturbing about a grown woman prancing around in a leotard.
Is this the look you are going for?
Perhaps you should consider another stylist. I'm sure your mother could find work at House of Dereon. Hold the phone, oh right, she is already doing her "work" there. We can credit her for this fabulous look.
A quick Google Search of "Beyonce Leotard" returns 820,000. Pro/Con or indifferent I think Google is trying to tell you something.
PUT SOME PANTS ON!
Warmest Regards,
Holy Hot Mess!
I'm just sayin.... this is funny stuff
Hey Target, this is funny stuff. I love the sister rocking the ornament earrings at the end. Nicely done!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Cyber Monday Deals
For those of you who are ready and able to shop today, don't forget about Cyber Monday (another invention of those zany marketing folks).
You can tons of websites that attempt to aggregate all the deals out there. One of the sites I've perused in the past is GottaDeal.com. This should help you find your coveted items.
This link will take you directly to the Cyber Monday Page: http://www.gottadeal.com/Deals/Category/cybermonday
Malapropism of the Moment – shrinking violet
I love it when people mix up common turns of phrase. This is called Malapropism (thank you Christy). In the spirit of education, I have decided to share some of these nuggets on a recurring basis.
Malapropism of the Moment – shrinking violet
In honor of last night's booty shaking, I've decided to highlight Shrinking Violet.
Shrinking Violet NOT Shrieking Violet
Main Entry: shrinking violet Part of Speech:
noun
Definition: very shy person
Synonyms:
modest violet, mouse, retiring person, shy person, shy thing
Example – There wasn't a shrinking violet in the group. They shook their booty butts like it was going out of style.
A malapropism (also called a Dogberryism or acyrologia) is the substitution of a word for a word with a similar sound, in which the resulting phrase makes no sense but often creates a comic effect. It is not the same as an eggcorn, which is a similar substitution in which the new phrase makes sense on some level. Occasionally, a phrase is substituted for the original, e.g. Stan Laurel said "What a terrible cat's after me!" (i.e., catastrophe) in Any Old Port!.
Malapropism of the Moment – shrinking violet
In honor of last night's booty shaking, I've decided to highlight Shrinking Violet.
Shrinking Violet NOT Shrieking Violet
Main Entry: shrinking violet Part of Speech:
noun
Definition: very shy person
Synonyms:
modest violet, mouse, retiring person, shy person, shy thing
Example – There wasn't a shrinking violet in the group. They shook their booty butts like it was going out of style.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Attention Hot Messes! Attention Hot Messes! PSA
Attention Hot Messes! Attention Hot Messes!
This is a public service announcement....
If you would like to break ranks and leave the hot mess masses, there is hope (maybe).
Check out http://habitforge.com/#
This is a public service announcement....
If you would like to break ranks and leave the hot mess masses, there is hope (maybe).
Check out http://habitforge.com/#
Reasons I heart Chelsea Handler
Reasons I heart Chelsea Handler
1. She takes issue with Beyonce's lack of pants
2. Her acerbic wit
4. She's bangin the boss
5. She employs a little person. I'm only 5'2" maybe she'll hire me!
6. Speidi, yeah she hates both of you
7. She can't wink
8. She writes best selling books
9. She hates camping
10. She has a funny blog -http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/chelsea/chelseaness/index.jsp?cid=chelseaness
11. This
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12. She has brought the phrase "hot mess" to the masses
Friday, November 27, 2009
It's Black Friday - Brace Yourselves!
Brace Yourself Ladies and Gents Black Friday is Upon Us.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
| Black Friday | |
|---|---|
| Observed by | United States |
| Date | Friday after Thanksgiving |
| 2009 date | November 27 |
| 2010 date | November 26 |
| Celebrations | Shopping |
| Related to | Thanksgiving and Christmas |
Black Friday is not an official holiday, but many employees have the day off (with the exceptions of those employed in retailing, health care, and banking), which increases the number of potential shoppers. Retailers often decorate for the Christmas and holiday season weeks beforehand. Many retailers open extremely early, with most of the retailers typically opening at 5AM or even earlier. Some of the larger retailers (depending on the location) such as Sears, Best Buy, Macy's, Toys "R" Us, and Walmart have been reported to open as early as midnight on the start of Black Friday in localized areas and remain open for 24 hours throughout the day until midnight the following Saturday. Upon opening, retailers offer doorbuster deals and loss leaders to draw people to their stores. Although Black Friday, as the first shopping day after Thanksgiving, has served as the unofficial beginning of the Christmas season at least since the start of the modern Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1924, the term "Black Friday" has been traced back only to the 1960s.
The term "Black Friday" originated in Philadelphia in reference to the heavy traffic on that day (see Origin of the name "Black Friday" below). More recently, merchants and the media have used it instead to refer to the beginning of the period in which retailers go from being in the red (i.e., posting a loss on the books) to being in the black (i.e., turning a profit).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_%28shopping%29
Thursday, November 26, 2009
For the Love of God VH1, For the Love of Ray Jay 2. REALLY??
MESS ALERT, not Hot Mess, Just MESS!
It is a forgone conclusion, there is no shortage of trashy reality TV out there. I have no problem flipping past the glut of trash strewn across the major networks all the way to The Learning Channel (Toddlers and Tiara's anyone). HOWEVER, every single time I am perusing the dial, I get stuck on VH1 and For the Love of Ray Jay. Why VH1 WHY?
This slimy piece of poop makes me feel dirty even looking at this show. I need a shower. EW! I guess he's a musician, but who cares? He is an unoriginal wanna-be "playa". The tramps on this show have to go too. I'm just embarrassed for them. It's too bad they don't know they should be embarrassed. They are trying to win time with this douche-bag Hey ladies, you made a wrong turn at VH1 turn around and get your asses to Tough Love. I'm sure Steve has a few million pointers for you!
It is a forgone conclusion, there is no shortage of trashy reality TV out there. I have no problem flipping past the glut of trash strewn across the major networks all the way to The Learning Channel (Toddlers and Tiara's anyone). HOWEVER, every single time I am perusing the dial, I get stuck on VH1 and For the Love of Ray Jay. Why VH1 WHY?
Gross Gross Gross Gross
Gross Gross Gross Gross
This slimy piece of poop makes me feel dirty even looking at this show. I need a shower. EW! I guess he's a musician, but who cares? He is an unoriginal wanna-be "playa". The tramps on this show have to go too. I'm just embarrassed for them. It's too bad they don't know they should be embarrassed. They are trying to win time with this douche-bag Hey ladies, you made a wrong turn at VH1 turn around and get your asses to Tough Love. I'm sure Steve has a few million pointers for you!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I intended to mark the Holiday with a compilation of random and odd Thanksgiving trivia. Then the analyst in me just couldn't do it. I couldn't post a list of unsubstantiated Thanksgiving "facts". I considered fact checking the 15 items in the list. Who wants to do that on a vacation day? Not me!
Out of sheer laziness I neither support nor refute the validity of the Thanksgiving related facts in the link below. I will however attest that it is random.
For all of my twisted friends, a comic for your viewing pleasure.
Today's PeopleofWalMart.com gem
www.peopleofwalmart.com
Nothing says I'm good with children like a pink hat/hair combo and a toddler's Hannah Montana t-shirt stitched onto your own creepy shirt.
LM - Ummm Someone should tell him his hair doesnt match his outfit ....
TE - Lonny McDonald never got over the sting of his younger brother's success. Try as he may, he could never quite capture the lightening in a bottle Ronald seemed to possess. It seemed like Ronny took every chance to one-... See Moreup his older brother. Lonny got accepted to the local clown college (Ohio Clown College - Akron, Ohio USA), and Ronny Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College! Don't even bring up cousin Dumbo's name!
Well screw you RONALD, this clown dines at Subway!
Well screw you RONALD, this clown dines at Subway!
LM - So - whats with the handcuffs - hes like ready - cause the first picture it looks like he is stuffing a ham down his pants...and where did the light up slushy come from in the second one?
LM - OMG I think its a Brats t-shirt - hes like yo waddup Im in Walmart - the first picture I need my glasses to order - the second picture - what - what - Im too cool for the glasses - but watch out cause my hat is banging - and if you dont watch out Im packing - thats right - a ham - in my pants - with handcuffs - and chains - yeah yo know how we do ... See Moreit - Ronald doesnt even know how to compare - Im bad ass - me and my pink hair and my Bratts bib on my pink striped shirt - oh yeah - bad assssssssss.......I think Im going to get me a slushi - a bright light up pink one...
Maybe thats what he shoved down his pants....
TE - Upon closer inspection I am appalled. What the HELL???? I did not see the handcuffs! Who let's this man walk the streets of downtown DesMoines?
LM - Is he in Desmoine? Is that where Clown U is?
TE - Clown U is in his hometown of Akron Ohio, but he moved to DesMoines to try to escape Ronald's shadow, too bad for him DesMoines is one of the Arches (the rest that shall remain nameless) strongholds. He's been forced to a small corner of town that isn't within sight of his nemesis. He spends his days in SuperWalmart and the "special" video store.