Monday, November 30, 2009

Cyber Monday Deals



I imagine I will pounding the pavement for deals Christmas Eve this year.  Can't wait (yes that's sarcasm).  
For those of you who are ready and able to shop today, don't forget about Cyber Monday (another invention of those zany marketing folks).  

You can tons of websites that attempt to aggregate all the deals out there.  One of the sites I've perused in the past is GottaDeal.com.  This should help you find your coveted items.  

This link will take you directly to the Cyber Monday Page: http://www.gottadeal.com/Deals/Category/cybermonday 


Malapropism of the Moment – shrinking violet

I love it when people mix up common turns of phrase. This is called Malapropism (thank you Christy). In the spirit of education, I have decided to share some of these nuggets on a recurring basis. 



A malapropism (also called a Dogberryism or acyrologia) is the substitution of a word for a word with a similar sound, in which the resulting phrase makes no sense but often creates a comic effect. It is not the same as an eggcorn, which is a similar substitution in which the new phrase makes sense on some level. Occasionally, a phrase is substituted for the original, e.g. Stan Laurel said "What a terrible cat's after me!" (i.e., catastrophe) in Any Old Port!.






Malapropism of the Moment – shrinking violet


In honor of last night's booty shaking, I've decided to highlight Shrinking Violet.

Shrinking Violet NOT Shrieking Violet

Main Entry: shrinking violet Part of Speech:
noun
Definition: very shy person

Synonyms:

modest violet, mouse, retiring person, shy person, shy thing



Example – There wasn't a shrinking violet in the group. They shook their booty butts like it was going out of style.




Sunday, November 29, 2009

Attention Hot Messes! Attention Hot Messes! PSA

 Attention Hot Messes! Attention Hot Messes!


This is a public service announcement....


If you would like to break ranks and leave the hot mess masses, there is hope (maybe).


Check out http://habitforge.com/#






Reasons I heart Chelsea Handler


Reasons I heart Chelsea Handler

1. She takes issue with Beyonce's lack of pants

2. Her acerbic wit


3. She knows big words and isn't afraid to use them

4. She's bangin the boss

5. She employs a little person.  I'm only 5'2" maybe she'll hire me!

6. Speidi, yeah she hates both of you

7. She can't wink

8. She writes best selling books

9. She hates camping

10. She has a funny blog -http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/chelsea/chelseaness/index.jsp?cid=chelseaness



11. This

<embed width="400px" height="300px" flashvars="ID=CEGPromoPlayer&amp;releasePID=JmEH2ySOJpcl8zCUKc2pNn1af7aVmnYE&amp;playerId=Embed&amp;locId=US&amp;player.autoPlay=false&amp;SWF_URL=http://www.eonline.com/static/videoplayer/platform_players/swf/&amp;skinUrl=http://www.eonline.com/static/videoplayer/platform_players/swf/skinCEGPlayer.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" salign="tl" scale="noscale" wmode="transparent" quality="high" bgcolor="#000000" name="CEGPromoPlayer" id="CEGPromoPlayer" src="http://www.eonline.com/static/videoplayer/platform_players/swf/CEGPromoPlayer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"/>

12. She has brought the phrase "hot mess" to the masses






Friday, November 27, 2009

It's Black Friday - Brace Yourselves!


Brace Yourself Ladies and Gents Black Friday is Upon Us.  


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Black Friday
Observed by United States
Date Friday after Thanksgiving
2009 date November 27
2010 date November 26
Celebrations Shopping
Related to Thanksgiving and Christmas
Black Friday is the Friday after Thanksgiving in the United States, which is the beginning of the traditional Christmas shopping season. The term dates back to at least 1966, although its usage was primarily on the East coast. The term has become more common in other parts of the country since 2000. Because Thanksgiving falls on the fourth Thursday in November in the United States, Black Friday occurs between the 22nd and the 29th of November.
Black Friday is not an official holiday, but many employees have the day off (with the exceptions of those employed in retailing, health care, and banking), which increases the number of potential shoppers. Retailers often decorate for the Christmas and holiday season weeks beforehand. Many retailers open extremely early, with most of the retailers typically opening at 5AM or even earlier. Some of the larger retailers (depending on the location) such as Sears, Best Buy, Macy's, Toys "R" Us, and Walmart have been reported to open as early as midnight on the start of Black Friday in localized areas and remain open for 24 hours throughout the day until midnight the following Saturday. Upon opening, retailers offer doorbuster deals and loss leaders to draw people to their stores. Although Black Friday, as the first shopping day after Thanksgiving, has served as the unofficial beginning of the Christmas season at least since the start of the modern Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1924, the term "Black Friday" has been traced back only to the 1960s.
The term "Black Friday" originated in Philadelphia in reference to the heavy traffic on that day (see Origin of the name "Black Friday" below). More recently, merchants and the media have used it instead to refer to the beginning of the period in which retailers go from being in the red (i.e., posting a loss on the books) to being in the black (i.e., turning a profit).



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_%28shopping%29

Thursday, November 26, 2009

For the Love of God VH1, For the Love of Ray Jay 2. REALLY??

MESS ALERT, not Hot Mess, Just MESS!


It is a forgone conclusion, there is no shortage of trashy reality TV out there.  I have no problem flipping past the glut of trash strewn across the major networks all the way to The Learning Channel (Toddlers and Tiara's anyone).  HOWEVER, every single time I am perusing the dial, I get stuck on VH1 and For the Love of Ray Jay.  Why VH1 WHY?  

Gross Gross Gross Gross




Gross Gross Gross Gross

This slimy piece of poop makes me feel dirty even looking at this show.  I need a shower.  EW!  I guess he's a musician, but who cares?  He is an unoriginal wanna-be "playa".  The tramps on this show have to go too.  I'm just embarrassed for them.  It's too bad they don't know they should be embarrassed. They are trying to win time with this douche-bag Hey ladies, you made a wrong turn at VH1 turn around and get your asses to Tough Love.  I'm sure Steve has a few million pointers for you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I intended to mark the Holiday with a compilation of random and odd Thanksgiving trivia. Then the analyst in me just couldn't do it. I couldn't post a list of unsubstantiated Thanksgiving "facts". I considered fact checking the 15 items in the list. Who wants to do that on a vacation day? Not me!

Out of sheer laziness I neither support nor refute the validity of the Thanksgiving related facts in the link below.  I will however attest that it is random.


For all of my twisted friends, a comic for your viewing pleasure.









The countdown begins..... stay tuned for more details!


Today's PeopleofWalMart.com gem




www.peopleofwalmart.com
Nothing says I'm good with children like a pink hat/hair combo and a toddler's Hannah Montana t-shirt stitched onto your own creepy shirt.

Top of Form



LM - Ummm Someone should tell him his hair doesnt match his outfit ....




TE - Lonny McDonald never got over the sting of his younger brother's success. Try as he may, he could never quite capture the lightening in a bottle Ronald seemed to possess. It seemed like Ronny took every chance to one-... See Moreup his older brother. Lonny got accepted to the local clown college (Ohio Clown College - Akron, Ohio USA), and Ronny Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College! Don't even bring up cousin Dumbo's name!
Well screw you RONALD, this clown dines at Subway!




LM - So - whats with the handcuffs - hes like ready - cause the first picture it looks like he is stuffing a ham down his pants...and where did the light up slushy come from in the second one?

LM - OMG I think its a Brats t-shirt - hes like yo waddup Im in Walmart - the first picture I need my glasses to order - the second picture - what - what - Im too cool for the glasses - but watch out cause my hat is banging - and if you dont watch out Im packing - thats right - a ham - in my pants - with handcuffs - and chains - yeah yo know how we do ... See Moreit - Ronald doesnt even know how to compare - Im bad ass - me and my pink hair and my Bratts bib on my pink striped shirt - oh yeah - bad assssssssss.......I think Im going to get me a slushi - a bright light up pink one...
Maybe thats what he shoved down his pants....

TE - Upon closer inspection I am appalled. What the HELL???? I did not see the handcuffs! Who let's this man walk the streets of downtown DesMoines?




LM - Is he in Desmoine? Is that where Clown U is?





TE - Clown U is in his hometown of Akron Ohio, but he moved to DesMoines to try to escape Ronald's shadow, too bad for him DesMoines is one of the Arches (the rest that shall remain nameless) strongholds. He's been forced to a small corner of town that isn't within sight of his nemesis. He spends his days in SuperWalmart and the "special" video store.
Bottom of Form



Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Nip it in the bud!

The parable of the "W" Key

There are often things in my life that annoy me.  I consider them trivial and not weorth the time to resolve.  These little "things' start to consume me.  It can take me out of a good mood in a heartbeat and put me in a bad mood for an indefinite longer sustained peeeriod of time.  WEehy do I ignore these things? WEhy don't I take action on them and fix them wehile they are still manageable?  I'm not sure, but I do knowee I need to weeork on it. 


Case and point, my "W" key is messed up.  Every time I press a W key it is immediately followeeed by one or many E's.  Wehy have I "worked around" this the past weeeek? (by weorkaround, I mean deleting all of the superfluous e's as they pop up)  I can't fix it myself, I have to ask for help!  Crap, I hate asking for help.  If I don't ask for help, the problem is going to get bigger and bigger inside my head.  I'm tired of deleting all these e's!  My weords get jumbled and I can't communicate properly.  Finally, I have to put in more work to get the same result.  It just doesn't make sense. 

The moral of this little story is, value yourself and take the time action necessary to keep yourself running at your maxiumum level. 

nip it in the bud

Meaning: If you nip something in the bud, you stop a problem from becoming serious by dealing with it as soon as you notice it.
For example:
  • Alan has a serious weight problem. Now he wishes he'd nipped it in the bud by eating less and exercising more when he was first starting to put on weight.

  • I was starting to drink too much alcohol, so I nipped it in the bud and stopped drinking altogether before it became a serious problem.

Origin: This is a metaphorical idiom based on the fact that if you want to stop a plant from growing bigger, you can cut off the new leaf buds or flower buds, or "nip the buds".



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Check out threadless.com

Cool Idea, Cool T-Shirts

http://www.threadless.com/

*Threadless* is a community-centered online apparel store run by skinnyCorp of Chicago, Illinois , since 2000. Co-founders Jake Nickell and Jacob DeHart started the company with $1,000 in seed money after entering an Internet t-shirt design contest. Members of the Threadless community submit t-shirt designs online; the designs are then put to a public vote. A small percentage of submitted designs are selected for printing and sold through an online store . Creators of the winning designs receive a prize of cash and store credit.

This week's peopleofwalmart.com installment



Lisa-Marie
"Dammit,Billy Bob will you stop takin me through the dam women's section and take me to the
guns? Ive got to shoot another coon so I can finish my christmas Shopping"

Lisa-Marie
OMG I think Billy Bob is a woman!

Tina
Fo Sho, that is a WOMAN a ~W~O~M~A~N~ woman


Lisa-Marie
Jane, Jane, help me with this thing
called a coon hat

Lisa-Marie
OMG are they in the olympics?? Is Coon Hunting a sport in the Olympics now?

Tina
psssst..... who wants to be the lucky one who gets to tell Miss Billy Bob and her beau Skeeter
that those jackets were made in Taiwan.

Lisa-Marie
"And Im proud to be an American, cause I can wear my coon hat in Walmart"
"And Ill proudly STAND UP Next to you in the Women's Legging Aisle"
God Bless the USA!

Tina
No, sad to say coon hunting hasn't made it to the games yet. No matter these fine specimen are
backups for the curling team.

Lisa-Marie
OMG - he might shoot you - be careful....lol!!!!
What does her hat say??

Tina
Those two are headed straight for the $1.00 dvd bin. Good luck with that Skeeter, even YOU
don't care to watch those flicks.

Tina
it says RUUUUUNNNNNNN!

Tina
BTW, Miss Billy is pissed that Skeeter grabbed the Coon Skin hat before her this morning. She
decided she'd make do and thread her mullet through the hat hole in a desperate attempt to
appear as though she's wearing said coon.

Lisa-Marie
Hes like look Mrs. Skeeter if I Shoot the seven just right it becomes a one and we can save like -
two, three, umm some dollars and wes be getting some dvds to watch tonight.....oh dang - we
dont have none of those gadgety dvd thingers - where the hell are the VHS's? 
Mrs. Skeeter - Oh Billy Bob - can we get a gagety dvd thinger - please?
Mr. ... Read MoreSkeeter - Dammit Skeets you know we have to save our money - we need it for
the entry into the Pabst Beer Olympics 23rd Annual Coon Hunt....whats yous be thinkin?
Mrs. Skeeter - oh thats right - wes gotta hold our title
Mr. Skeeter - thats right - daddy brings home the big prize this year........

Tina
If you look closely you'll notice there are only 49 stars on their jackets, they peeled off one in
protest. They are willing to accept Alaska 'cause those there folks know how to hunt.But they
will not accept Hawaii 'cause they are a bunch of hippy surfers.

Lisa-Marie
Dam Skeeter he gets her evertyime - too bad she cant read - her family keeps getting her hats,
shirts, signs, and they all say RUUUUNNNNN 
She is still wondering what a RUIN is ........

Tina
and there we have it folks, today's edition of peopleofwalmart.com fan fiction. We're here all
week, don't forget to tip the wait staff. :)


Monday, November 23, 2009

Happy Birthday Little Bro!!!

My LITTLE brother Danny, I mean Dan, turned 16 years old today.  Ahhhhh, how did this happen?  I can't believe it.  I'm in denial.  In my mind, Danny is the little guy who liked to visit me in college because I had a bunk bed.  Who is this guy who has a girlfriend (who I adore, hi Sarah)?  I can't take it, Calgon take me away! Did I mention Dan's WAY taller me and might even like gadgets more than I do?  Well he is and he may.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Dan!  We should probably start a help Dan buy a car made in this century fund now.  Good luck learning to drive, and stay on your section of Main Street.



Love You! 



This week's peopleofwalmart.com installment

It's MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY!  Time for a new installment of peopleofwalmart.com fan fiction.  I think I want to use this picture....





I'll work with my team (yeah that's you Lisa-Marie) to write a truly fantastic piece of high-brow literature.  I'll post the final product some time tomorrow.

Until then....

Viagra I blame you!

Viagra I blame you!

I was in Vegas last week and saw a fab Elvis Choir performance. It was almost like watching the different phases of his life; young good looking Elvis, fat sweaty Elvis, Elvis when he had just jumped into the bedazzling, Elvis when he was drowning in bedazzling and a female Elvis (not sure what that was about).

ANYWAY, the sang a variety of songs covering the ages. When they broke into Viva Las Vegas, I almost snorted. I said ALMOST! I held it in. As soon as they started this little ditty, all I could thing was Viva Viagra! I'm no Elvis fan, but this song has been ruined... FOREVER!




Sunday, November 22, 2009

There are few who are truly tech-tarded, I present to you case 1

There are many people out there who claim to be tech-tarded. Most are just lazy... however there are a rare FEW who are truly hopeless. Here is one such case.


Dear Teachers....

When I was in elementary school I don't remember bringing home every worksheet, drawing, and doodle. The boys bring home pounds of paper every week. I sort though the sheets and try to pull the things that need action. I'm left with a pile of precious treasures (ha). I tried saving all of these pages. I got a big Rubbermaid container with the plan of saving all the papers and then putting a year on the outside of the container. Well 2 months into this plan the container was overflowing. I pictured an attic full of containers filled with paper. Seems like a fire hazard. I abandoned this plan.

Now I wait until the boys are asleep and then sneak around like a thief in the night to dump them in the trash and destroy the evidence. First I just put it in the trash can, then I usually cover it up with other trash. Then I go back and take the trash out. Inevitably I run into a parent who has dutifily created beautiful scrapbooks with these papers. The guilt eats at me until I again consider new processes to catalog the influx of papers. It NEVER WORKS!

Dear Teachers, please toss most of the papers for me, I can't take it! :-)

The Tragic Phone Incident of '09

I am very aware of the fact that I am far to attached to my phone. That could be the subject of numerous blog posts, and perhaps some therapy... moving on. Today I'm going to discuss the impact of having to start fresh with a new Blackberry.

My phone took an unfortunate swim in the sink of Bill's Casino on Thursday night. Turns out Blackberry Curves don't enjoy swimming. Go figure. The Las Vegas Verizon Store kindly setup my phone. I thought yay, I'm all set.

This Blackberry is an impostor, it doesn't look, feel or sound like my baby...ummmm I mean Blackberry. This thing rings and I don't even look at it, this "thing" can't be mine.

At some point I added a desktop theme that made it look like an iPhone. This generic screen is BORING! I can't remember where I downloaded my fake iPhone look, but I have to find it. Ringtones are essential. Without them, I don't know when to ignore or when to pick up.

Autolock oh autolock where are you? Come out come out where ever you are. I keep hitting the right quick key and launching my camera. Wait a sec, that's supposed to lock my phone. I don't know how to lock my phone the hard way. K, fixed that, fixed the quick key in options. I still don't know how to lock it the hard way. No more butt dialing for me.

Contacts - I lost my Blackberry desktop software at some point in the past 3 months. I didn't bother syncing. Well I should have bothered, any new contacts I added in the past 3 months were gone. Note to self - sync and sync often.

Speed Dials - OMG, I didn't realize how often I used this function. Holding in the P,C,D ect doesn't do anything! Man I'm lazy!

Browser - I bookmarked so many pages! Grrrr, why doesn't the sync save these?


and now for the applications

Facebook Mobile - easy enough to add. Thank goodness, if all else fails I can just update my status so all my crazy friends know I'm not dead.e b

UberTwitter - no SBC911SFU twitter update feeds until I get this up and running again. This one is a bit of a pain b/c I have two twitter feeds one for work, one for fun. It's kind of critical that I don't screw that up. ;-)

Mobile Banking

I'm sure there are more, I know there are more.....

The best part is the fact that I get to do this ALL over again when I upgrade my phone with a NEW Blackberry Tour with my new every 2 in a few months.

Friday, November 13, 2009

The story behind the profile pic - Underwear that's fun to wear - Underoos

Becky asked me why I had a picture of underwear as my blog picture. I had to explain that they were Wonder Woman Underoos. I feel OLD!

MmmmKay, for those of you who are too young to know (I hate you a little bit) take a look at this FANTASTIC "vintage" commercial. Yeah FREAKING VINTAGE!



Underoos is a brand of underwear for children, produced by the Fruit of the Loom company. The packages include a matching top and bottom for either boys or girls, featuring a character from popular entertainment media, especially superhero comics, animated programs, and fantasy/science fiction. In many cases, the garment mimics the distinctive costume of the character, encouraging the wearer to pretend to be the character. In others it features an image of the character and/or logo on the undershirt.
History
Underoos were developed as a product idea in 1977 by an independent entrepreneur, Larry Weiss, who obtained licenses for the four major comic character groups (D.C. Comics, Marvel Comics, Hannah-Barbera, Archie Comics) which included Superman, Batman, Shazam, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Captain America.The product idea was first offered to Hanes, but was rejected. Scott Paper company pursued development, but ultimately decided to not market the product. Fruit of the Loom had been engaged as supplier of the blank underwear and another vendor engaged to apply transfers. Informed of Scott Paper Company's decision to not market this novel product, Fruit of the Loom inquired if they would be permitted to market the product, now fully developed. Weiss agreed, and in 1978 Fruit of the Loom bought Underoos. The product was tested in three markets including the New York Metropolitan area. Retailer and consumer demand was so strong, the product was immediately expanded to national distribution

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Featured www.FacesofWalmart.com picture

The Wal*Mart subculture is an interesting slice of Americana. Have any of you ever gone to a 24 hour Wal*Mart around 11:00? I think it's the witching hour. If you're bored some night, give it a shot. You might just encounter some of the creatures profiled on http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/. This site is a great place to waste a few minutes (or hours).

Here is a recent email about one of the hot pieces of ass on the site.

You Know I’m Sexy

written by Tina and Lisa-Marie
Photo Credit - http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

The scene opens with the Cashier in lane 11, Becki (yes with an i, we all know what that means). Becki is bored after her 18 hour shift at the local Wal*Mart.

She thinks - Hey there’s my dad. I haven’t seen him much since the divorce. I wish he didn’t spend so much time with his friend Johnny. I should get his attention. “Hey Dad, over here! Hey Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WTF ARE YOU WEARING DAD? ARE THOSE MY SHOES????? OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And then her dad responds....."Girlfriend you haven't been able to wear these shoes in years - who you foolin? And what is going on with your hair? We need a Makeover and Stat!"

And then Johnny goes, "William I wish you wouldn't be so hard on her, she's just trying to spend time with you"

And William responds, "Johnny - stop telling me how to raise my daughter - what would you know?"

And Johnny goes, "you are always so hurtful - I'm going out to the car" pouts and stomps off

William: "Oh Johnny wait - you know I didn't mean it - Johnny wait....Johnny....Oh poo now I've got to go after him, Kati I will see you later - Kisses"

And he goes running after Johnny arms flapping like a little bird trying to fly - yelling "Johnny wait - Johnny - Joooohhhhhnnnnnnn eyyy"

And of course William promises Johnny a pedicure and Johnny goes "Yeah" and jumps up and down - and they skip to the car and live happily ever after

See Wal-Mart brings love and happiness to all go there........

~~THE END~~

HOT MESS????

WHAT IS A HOT MESS?

Let me be clear, a Hot Mess is NOT a train wreck. These are two entirely different animals. People…make note of the word HOT, it’s there for a reason!

I maintain that there are MANY levels of Hot Mess, and would you look at that, the definitive source of all things slang agrees.

According to Urban Dictionary a Hot Mess is:
*When ones thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.
-Although Nichole had just awaken, her boyfriend thought she was stunning - she
was a hot mess
*When one looks terrible, or acts in such a way that makes them unpleasant to be around. It is believed that this term originated as an opposite to the term hotness, as they are so close to one another in appearance.
-Guy 1: "That new redhead in Data Admin...I have but one word: hotness."
-Guy 2: "Yo, are your eyes broke, or what? She looked a hot mess when I saw her."
*Someone or Something that is such a mess... the level of it, is off of the
charts. It's past pathetic, past pitiful. It's to the point you almost have to
walk away to keep from bustin a gut. Hot messes can exist in levels.
-i.e. Hot Mess, Hot Fuckin Mess
-Oh my God, y'all a HOT MESS!

WHAT KIND OF A HOT MESS ARE YOU TODAY?

WHY HOT MESS?

Why not? Not only am I a Hot Mess writer, I’m also a member (or whatever). I like to crack people up with my observations. More often than not, these observations are either a result of my wackassness (not a word, but I reserve the right to make stuff up) or the wackassness of others around me. I thought I’d share the wealth.

WHAT IS THE BLOG GOING TO BE ABOUT?

Who knows? Who cares? Sit back, grab a snack and enjoy. Or never visit this little blog again.

Stay tuned…. This Hot Mess is about to hit Las Vegas baby (11/14-11/21) – oh the wealth of source material!